I spent some time with my mom recently. (She lives a few hours away.) She has Alzheimer’s. As I approached her, the caregiver leaned toward her and asked, “Do you know who that is?” One more time I was blessed with her frail words, “It’s Teresa.” And I whisper thanks to God.
At some point in our visits, I scoot my chair close to her wheelchair, wrap my arms around her and rest my head on her shoulder. Sometimes she brings her hand up to mine, and I feel like she’s holding me. I know that doesn’t make sense . . . Her touch simply represents the strength of her love over the years.
When I arrive and before I leave, I turn her chair to face me, look into her eyes, smile, and tell her how much I love her. Each time, I feel like I’m held in the moment, as I look into her blue eyes. Her words are few these days, but she still speaks love through those eyes. She always has.
A little over a year ago, a traumatic incident almost took Mom’s life. As a result, she was hospitalized, non-communicative, and only briefly opened her eyes to then sleep again. One night while I sat with her, she began to murmur, so I put my ear near her mouth. She never opened her eyes, but her words became clearer as she repeated this prayer over and over again, “Jesus make thou my heart humble; Make it humble unto thine.”
Jesus is always with us. Our prayers respond to His presence.
As much as I wanted to help her, I was comforted to realize she was being held by the One she needs.
Hard stuff is woven into the fabric of Mom’s life—just as it threads through yours and mine. God was her Go-To and her First Love . . . and I trust Him, that He still is. Often she would say, “I know God must be tired of hearing from me.” Her words spoke instruction and inspiration.
Our First Love is the One who first loved us.
“We love because he first loved us.” (1 John 4.19)
Our primary go-to is the one we trust most, the one whose love we believe above all others.
“And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4.19) In all that we ask for, God first gives our truest need—Himself.
As we spend more time with the One who first loved us, He grows us aware of His love for us. He becomes the one whose love we depend on, the one we trust above all others. Our First Love becomes our primarily Go-To.